“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”
– 2 Cor 4:8-9
“I have never told anyone about my sexual abuse. I was ten years old when my Dad moved me into his bed following my mother’s death. I was the oldest daughter, and he told me it was my job to serve him as my mother did.” This 75-year-old woman sat before me, disclosing her devastating story for the first time and coming to the harsh realization that her whole life had been damaged by cruelty and the trauma of her childhood sexual abuse. She grew up in church, served in the church, and raised her children and grandchildren in the church. And yet, she was disconnected from her personhood, the community, and the God she served. Her sexual abuse had defined her and impacted all her relationships, even her relationship with God. With the remaining years of her life, she was ready to seek healing and hope in Christ. This precious woman trusted me with her disclosure, and I can tell you honestly that it changed my life. Her story impressed upon me the need for sound biblical responses to sexual abuse in the church across the entire spectrum of a woman’s life. In many ways, Illuminate was born the day I met her.
I wish her story was rare, but sadly, it isn’t. Every time I tell my survivor story of sexual abuse and exploitation, women tell me their story. I design Illuminate conferences intentionally for that purpose. It seems that if I open up about the horrors of sexual abuse in my life, they are free to do the same. For many, telling their story, some for the first time, is life changing. Sharing my own survivor story and how my childhood sexual abuse has continued to harm me throughout adulthood helps audiences understand how victims across the age spectrum are created, how they evolve, and how some of them stay trapped in childhood trauma. Sexual abuse expert Boz Tchividjian says, “Our churches are filled with abuse survivors, most of whom are still struggling in some way with the lifelong pains caused by this trauma.” [1] What then should the response from the church towards sexual abuse victims be? God’s Word tells us that one of the purposes of His Church is to look after those in distress.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27
Sexual assault survivors are hard to identify in our churches. They have no outward scars; there is no profile or ’type’ of victim. It is unlike any other crime, addiction, problem, or pain because it is completely hidden from view. It happens in the dark, and it debilitates in the dark. Victims walk our halls, sit in our classes, worship in our pews, and lead in our teams. It is only when we dive into the darkness that we can uncover the sexual abuse breeding in our churches. We must illuminate the issue to help them find healing in Christ.
Over 300,000 children are sexually abused each year in the United States, but that number is thought to be much larger as it is estimated that 90% of all childhood sexual abuse is never reported. Childhood sexual trauma does not stay in childhood. The trauma that the child suffers mentally and physically has an impact on them for the rest of their lives.[2] We know that sexual abuse is prevalent in every church community across the nation. When we consider our local churches, it is easy to think, “Not us, not here.” However, when we think this way, the problem of child abuse doesn’t go away – we simply ignore it and leave children vulnerable to current and future abusers. The Evangelical Council for Abuse Prevention (ECAP) says, “Abusers do not have a distinct profile and can literally be anyone, anywhere, which is why it is imperative for those who care for children to educate themselves on signs of abuse.” [3]That is why sexual abuse is such an important topic for our faith communities to embrace. The church holds the one true answer to sexual abuse and exploitation in our culture. Healing for sexual abuse and exploitation is found in Christ. In my work with hundreds of clients suffering from all manner of trauma over the years, I can say confidently that Christ alone is the One who heals broken souls and sets victims free over a lifetime.
So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36
Healing from sexual assault is a complicated matter. Sexual assault victims wrestle with repressed memories, traumatic triggers, uncontrolled responses, self-loathing and condemnation, inappropriate sexual activity, addictions, and a myriad of other unhealthy, self-destructive, coping responses. Those with a prior history of sexual victimization are extremely likely to be re-victimized. Some research estimates an increased risk of over 1000%.[4] I am what experts describe as a chronic sexual abuse victim with over 100 known assaults. Like me, many victims have a target on their head from the moment of their first abuse making them more vulnerable to watching predators. A child who is the victim of prolonged sexual abuse usually develops low self-esteem, a feeling of worthlessness, and an abnormal or distorted view of sex. This can last for a lifetime.[5]
Sexual abuse victims appear at every age. I did not become a sexual abuse victim the first time I was raped at 12. I did not become a trafficking victim the first time I was traded for sex at 14. I became a sexual abuse and exploitation victim as a toddler when I was assaulted for the first time by my preschool teacher. Many sexual abuse victims do not ever think of themselves as victims. If you had asked me at age 24 if I was a sexual assault victim, I probably would have said no. That is because, like many others, I was trained to believe that what happened to me was normal or that, in some twisted way, I deserved it. Many victims are trapped in a cycle of non-healing, and even though they desperately try to understand the damage and shameful events that define them, they are left feeling unwanted, damaged, and in despair that they may never find hope. The church can provide a path to hope.
In a study of church leadership and sexual abuse, Karen and Ron Flowers say, “It is true that abuse and violence are blind to age, social status, color, culture, and creed. There is no typical victim, no typical perpetrator, except insofar as the victim is overwhelmingly female and the perpetrator male. It is also true that the presence of any one of these general indicators does not necessarily mean that abuse or violence is present. But as the number of these observable indicators increases, concern for their safety and well-being should increase on the part of church leaders.[6]
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ MT 25:40
Speaking of welcoming sexual abuse survivors into the church to find healing, Boz Tchividjian says, “Transforming our churches and faith communities into places of refuge for those who have been violated, judged, and marginalized is what the Gospel is all about. If God is our refuge, then our churches must be places where these precious souls find safety and rest.[7] Maybe that is what God had in mind when he wrote this in Matthew 25:40, The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Sexual abuse can happen at any age, be triggered at any age, and cause physical, emotional, and spiritual damage at any age, The church is poised with a unique opportunity to minister to the sexually broken from cradle to grave. For example, many women remember their sexual abuse for the first time when their daughters turn the age they were when they were assaulted. Many women struggle right after their conversion because there is some new language introduced. Words like God the Father, forgiveness of your enemies, condemnation, and repentance can trigger feelings of shame and self-loathing. Many women have mysterious physical issues that follow them through life that are now understood to be rooted in trauma. Sharing the commitment to the sexually broken throughout the church, especially all age levels of children’s, teen, and women’s ministry, will allow transformative conversations around this topic to come about and open doors to healing and hope.
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Gal 6:2
Amy Russell says, “The spiritual impact victims may suffer is profound and enduring. Interventions should seek to address not only the mental health implications victimization bears but spiritual ones as well.”[8] That is why we must illumine this topic in our churches. Our calling and responsibility in the church is to protect, care for, and disciple sexual abuse victims no matter where they are on the age spectrum. Sexual abuse victims never fully heal but rather learn to heal over a lifetime. The church must understand that sexual abuse is present in every church. They must understand the full and far-reaching effect of sexual sin on individuals, families, and communities. Sexual sin does not happen in a bubble. It does not just impact the victim, and it does not remain buried in childhood. It happens over a lifetime, and the church needs to seize the opportunity to minister to the whole person across their whole life to offer hope and a lifetime of healing at the foot of the cross.
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. Gal 6:10
Blogs from Illuminatetheissue.org exist to shine a light on the issue of sexual abuse and exploitation in faith communities. Illuminate seeks to raise awareness and equip leaders to transform the culture in Christian churches, seminaries, schools, and community organizations by raising awareness and helping church leaders minister to victims, perpetrators, and those closest to them from a Christ-centered and Biblical framework of sexual discipleship.
Trish Propson, MAPC, MACM, Certified Biblical Counselor, and Licensed Chaplain, serves as the Director of Illuminatetheissue.org. Trish uses her own redemption story from sexual abuse and exploitation to start new conversations exposing the impact of sexual abuse and exploitation in Christian communities. For more information or to book a training, workshop, or retreat, please email: trish@illuminatetheissue.org.